Today is a bittersweet day. In the summer I had a fresh embryo transfer that resulted in a chemical pregnancy. Today marks this baby's due date. Today, we would be holding this precious baby in our arms, or I would anxiously be sitting at home asking when he or she was going to make their grand entrance.
Today really makes me think about how even though that little embryo didn't grow like it should have, it was still a baby. He or she was still a tiny miracle from God. I believe life is created the moment an egg is fertilized by sperm. And this is why IVF can be really hard and why I try not to think too much about it. If I think about it too much, all I can think about is all of the babies that didn't make it. I had 25 eggs retrieved during our cycle and out of the 25 eggs, 20 of them were fertilized. That's 20 little lives!! And out of those 20 little lives, 17 of them did not mature like they should have, 1 of them struggled to make it after transfer and just couldn't, 1 of them is frozen, and 1 of them is wiggling around inside of me.
One of the things I have learned during our IVF cycle is you have to trust God. I learned that God is in control, no one else. Sometimes I felt like my doctors knew nothing. Obviously they were blessed with this gift and they know the medical side to things, but just because they say this is your best embryo and this is your best chance, you can't always believe that. My best advice for couples going through IVF is to not give up on the "underdogs" (the embryos that the doctors say are poor quality or probably won't make it). Just take a look at my growing belly for proof. I have no idea what this little guy's scoring was or what our frozen embryo's score is because to be honest, it's not important. That number really means nothing. If God has a plan for that embryo, it's going to happen. This is also why I didn't want to have the genetic testing done on the embryos to see if a transfer would just result in a miscarriage. Just because the lab says the embryo has a mutation, can they really be sure? I didn't want to take any chances. I knew I had to leave that part to God to decide.
I will always continue to pray for the couples still struggling to become pregnant and meet their take home baby. There are couples who have not just done 1 or 2 IVF cycles, some have done 6 or 7 and still haven't had any luck. And today, thinking of how this would have been our due date, makes me think of their heartache even more. So I will continue to pray for them because that's all I know to do.