Six months ago, I was lost. I became a single mom of a toddler with a baby on the way overnight. I knew it would eventually be coming, but I didn't think it would happen like it did. I didn't think that someone I trusted would make the decision to do what they did. But in the end, I am very grateful for that decision because it gave me the push I needed to walk away and not look back. I struggled for a good month with trying to comprehend what happened and trying to figure out what I was going to do. How was I going to raise two boys on my own?!
I was scared. I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. But then the thought occurred to me that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I've had a lot of fast balls thrown my way and I've survived them all so far. It's never been easy but God doesn't say life will be easy.
On June 24, 2014, my life changed. I welcomed Grayson into this world and with that, my happiness returned. I have a very near and dear friend who told me that everything would change once he was born and she was so right. I was happy again, I knew that I would be able to do this on my own, and I knew without a doubt I wanted nothing to do with my past and the mistakes I had made.
I really believe Grayson was my Saving Grace. When I was feeling so lost, I wondered why God would give me the blessing of a pregnancy, of a miracle in the form of a child. But I understand now. Grayson was there to catch me when I fell. He brought me back to reality. He reminded me that life goes on and that I have so much to look forward to. He made me stronger. So now I totally get why everything happened the way it did. God does have perfect timing. Grayson is truly a miracle in more ways than one.
And now I get to enjoy my two miracles. I love watching them interact. Grayson loves his big brother and he's constantly watching him and laughing. And Joshua is fascinated with Grayson. They get along so well and I'm so excited to watch them grow up.
Tuesday, 18 November 2014
It's been quite some time since my last post and let me say, so much has changed. My baby is almost 5 months, J is an amazing big brother, and I've gotten myself into a good routine. I have come such a long way since the night when I thought my life as I knew it was ending, and ending in a bad way. But that late night in May did end the life I knew, but it ended something bad and brought about something amazing. I hit rock bottom, I was at my lowest of lows. My friends and family didn't know what to say to me except that everything would be ok (ya, ok, when?!). The last thing I wanted to do was bring a baby into a broken home. I was terrified. I didn't think I could do it on my own. But as each day passed, I learned that I could. Each day I became a little bit stronger. And each day I became a little bit happier. And now, I'm happier than I've ever been...and here's a little something I've been keeping a secret...I'm in love.