I never thought I would be 15 weeks pregnant and still constantly worried. I think this has a lot to do with being infertile. You try for so long for this miracle and wait what seems like an eternity and when you finally become pregnant, all you can do is worry.
Maybe I was wrong to think that once we became pregnant, things would finally be normal, but I should know by now that my body never likes to keep things normal...it's more on the wild side. After my two blood pockets had disappeared, I was relieved and really starting to relax, but after a third one was spotted, I'm just thinking "what the heck body, get your stuff sorted out."
I am praying desperately that God keeps this baby safe and the blood pocket doesn't do anything to harm the baby. And when the doctor mentioned the placenta briefly, I began praying about it as well.
Everything is in God's hands and I know I need to turn my worries over to Him. When I remember to do this on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, I feel so much better. That sense of peace can only come from God.
It is still my greatest wish that no other family would have to go through infertility. It's heartbreaking and it wears you down. It never seems fair and you're left wondering "why me?" Not everyone is as lucky as my husband and I and find the answer from God so quickly. If God didn't give us the gift of infertility, we wouldn't have our precious son. Our son is the only reason why I would ever refer to infertility as a gift because he is truly a God given gift that came to us because of infertility. It's hard to explain and I'm sure a lot of people with infertility issues can't relate to that statement right now, but it's how I feel. Just like being sick with Ulcerative Colitis, it was a gift from God. I believe everything God gives us is a gift if we choose to seek God and find the "why."