Jealousy, it’s ugly, it’s not pleasant. At this moment in
time, I can’t help but feel jealous, and it seems so selfish. I’m jealous of
the other women who by a miracle from God have become pregnant naturally. I am
so unbelievably happy for them (I get goosebumps when I read their stories) and
it just reconfirms how good God is, but I can’t help but wonder why not me?
When will it be my turn? Will it ever be my turn? When will I get to surprise C
with a miracle? When will we get to surprise our parents? When will we get to
defy the odds?
It may never happen for us naturally and right now, that’s a
hard pill for me to swallow. I want so desperately to be able to conceive
naturally and when it seems to be happening all around me, I can’t help but
wonder why not me?
Lately, infertility has been a huge weight for me to carry
and it doesn’t seem to be getting any lighter.
This is a tough one for sure. :(
ReplyDeleteRight there with you - I've just found out an old friend of mine is quite pregnant and no one told me because we were doing IVF. It's quite hard to think 'why them, and why not me?' but I've started thinking about how they've had other struggles to go through too. Perhaps not infertility, but no one has a perfectly rosy path. I dunno. It's helped me be a bit more kind to myself, anyway. Happy thoughts, hey!
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely tough! I feel the same way sometimes, very difficult!
ReplyDelete-Lily
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