I kept a journal while my husband and I were going through the adoption process and I thought I would share an entry from it. It's dated February 2, 2012:
After my first support group meeting last night, I'm pretty frustrated with the entire process of an adoption. My optimism is slowly turning into frustration. Having a child should never be this hard. Why do I have to complete a homestudy and change my home? Why do I have to complete PRIDE training? Why do I have to take a carseat class? I completely understand why, but sometimes it upsets me because all of this is so draining, it's all so drawn out with no expectation of ever knowing a time when I will be able to call a child my son or daughter. It really is a test of willpower and strength. There is a huge risk involved with the route we have chosen (foster with a view to adopt). At any point, we could have "our" child taken away from us. We won't be able to rest easy until crown wardship has been granted...that on average takes a year and a half through the court system (not to mention, it may never be granted). I will try my hardest to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. And if the worst happens, I need to realize that I gave that child something he or she would have never had.
My husband and I chose the route of "foster with a view to adopt" because Children's Aid would like all children to remain in one home, one forever home. This is what is in the best interest of the child. It's a huge risk and it's very hard. My husband and I knew exactly what we were getting into, but it's next to impossible to prepare yourself for any negative outcome. You can't help but be excited and optimistic.
Our lives turned into a roller coaster ride when we chose the path to adopt. It was probably one of my greatest struggles in life, but God will only give you what you can handle.