Thursday, 17 September 2015

I Never Signed Up For This

As if IVF isn't difficult enough, having an extra embryo that you are unable to use is heartbreaking. My ex-husband and I, for personal reasons on both sides, do not want to use this embryo. This part is understandable. But the plan was to continue to have the embryo frozen until it could be adopted. That plan fell apart quickly when the adoption agency said there would be a very slim chance of a couple wanting to adopt one embryo. Again, this is understandable. My back up plan was to continue to have this embryo frozen until I did another IVF cycle. If my future husband and I were blessed with more embryos than we were able to use, we would have them adopted and add my one embryo to this group. But my back up plan has also fallen apart, not because I don't want to go ahead with this plan, but because there is also another side that has to be on board, and unfortunately, the other side just wants to be done with it all. It's hard for me to wrap my ahead around. I can't argue with the reasoning either because this is just as much the other party's decision as it is mine, but I will never fully understand it.

How do I sign a consent form to have my embryo destroyed? I am heartbroken. I have to sign a consent form to have my baby destroyed, to give up on it, to not give it a chance to turn into a beautiful life. How do I do this? My beautiful embryo is not wanted, it is only wanted by me.

The consent forms are probably sitting in my mailbox right now. I’ve been avoiding checking it because this is something I don’t want to do. I’m not okay with it at all, but I have no other options.

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